Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Human Is An Opening To Being



It's important to get a "sponsor" in twelve step programs. Being based on a spiritual experience these programs offered the role of the sponsor. This is a person who has "got it". Often times they subsequently "lose it" but purpose of the relationship is to transfer the mysterious spiritual experience. This it truly impossible to describe.


As a person who Identifies as an alcoholic I will never know if I really looked at life that differently from ordinary people. Perhaps some genetic predisposition caused my "disease". Whatever the case may be I found that the only way I could truly put down the bottle for a long period was by completely changing my outlook on reality. I live under the assumption that your average person or most people never come to a situation were they have to change their behavior in the face of death. Its rather strange to have to just stop doing something or else.
In the face of this decision I came to realize that I hadn't ever really seen a whole picture.
I had these notions about what other people thought and what I was supposed to do but I found my own reasons why I could transgress these rules. It's not important how or what one actually does its the fact that ones own deeply held sense of what is right is offended. Fighting, anger, remorse, shame, paranoia there are so many ways to stay the focus of your own attention. This process is self defeating and eventually own realizes that inside there is something very much the same about all the other humans we come in contact with.
It behooves one to understand that the world is filled with people who may be experiencing things just as we do or perhaps entirely differently but they do experience. If we accept this premise then our consciousness should expand to include the people we come in contact with and ourselves as beings we have a reason to be understanding and forgiving of.

The word sponsor might be misleading in certain ways. It has the connotation that the sponsor is needed to introduce one as an OK fella to the group and to your higher power god figure. This is not the case. The sponsor doesn't need support to the sponsee in any way materially or mentally. The sponsor brings the voice of the spiritual experience to another person in a time of desperate crisis. Thus one receives the most valuable this life has to offer at the moment of greatest suffering. I can only say this because I experienced it and that is how it seems to me.
The feelings of faith in the human spirit become very strong. One encounters hundreds of people who were just destroyed by life and their disease who never the less describe a new life that is better than any previous one. This leads one to inculcate the story/mythology/process by which a person can undergo a profound change. This change is like the change one might feel taking a psychedelic drug.
thtyrtyr1

The amorphous quality of value we imbue things with changes fundamentally as it is a projected quality in many ways. It gives a feeling of power over the need to control things. Once one begins to see through things one realizes that there are only a few basic human needs which one is provided almost without fail in this country ,however very very few humans are engaged in any productive activity whatsoever. Things that are produced beyond food shelter and community are not really important. It's not that we don't FEEL that they are important because they are often the things we find most important in our lives.


Petulent Intelligentsia-1-4

But structurally- physically they serve no function to help one live. Cars help one live in little detached huts dotting the landscape but they don't shelter or feed anyone. How many farmers do you know? How many carpenters?
So why do you work so hard? Why do you keep putting things off? Why does everything depend on money. This is because instead of spending our time in an environment of people telling a story of self transformation we spend our time alone interacting with the mass media. The mass media consists of two forces. The advertisers only care manipulating you into doing something you wouldn't have thought off doing unless it had been brought to your attention . This fundamental fact underlies all advertisements. You have something of value they want and the only requirement they have is to get it. They just need money. You kinda know this but you feel that it's OK and it doesn't have anything to do with the content. But that just is not the case.

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The positing of a need or a lack in people is the job of advertisers but it has spilled over to color all the media. The underlying message is you get something for nothing. If you start looking at the box pretty soon you begin to look forward to looking at it. So here is a thing that can capture your attention without you even really having to choose what to do or look at.


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I suspect that the act of staring at a two dimensional object without having to move ones head is a radically new human behavior. Of course so is reading a book but there is a very very big difference. This difference does not mean that anyone is intentionally doing anything wrong. It's just a mechanism inadvertently generated due to the funding mechanism of the mass media. This means that we essentially sell our attention to advertisers with the agreement that they either make or fund broadcast-able events that will in turn capture our attention. Either way it seems the majority of people are either unable or unwilling to choose what to do with their minds.

irst paoprizes



It's like humans are just dying to to live like a large carnivore. We just get our our food then sit around looking at stuff or eating. As animals we could not have evolutionarily prepared for the advent of the next tool of transcendence. Like say a cell wall(suddenly cells!), DNA(suddenly evolution)every organelle a cell(suddenly specialization),,various forms of locomotion, sex etc. It's like huge jumps in "capabilities" suddenly gel. As we get closer to our time we see things like flight and sight developing. It's weird but it would seem that there does seem to be at least a rudimentary direction to LIFE. First it shows up in some environment like say A tide pool or a hot ocean vent and then "magically" forms appear which can live in other environments. What this takes it some kind of ability which which could not have come about through any experience in the environment the "new" life suddenly finds itself propagating in. Look at an eye It seems so miraculously specialized but this seems to be what happens to life over time. This extreme organization looks extremely over done but senses allowed forms of life to adapt to different environments. But really that is beside the point in a way.
It just seems like one could describe consciousness in a way as another in a long line of strange things like eyes and wings which allow life to somehow start moving in a different space. But then there are now a lot of flying and seeing creatures but it would seem only one conscious one. Wouldn't it seem like maybe in the future there might be more than one. Perhaps as we can look back and try to find some connection between single celled organisms who interact among each other and sometimes(a a very simple way)us and all these huge multi-cellular beings. Viewed as singular and apart these multicelullar individuals(communities of specialized cells working as a system who boundaries are described by the easily discerned(especially through sight)demarcation between whats on the inside or attached to the bag of skin and what is outside and not attached). interact in ways that viewed through a humans eyes and looking at it western way seem outlandishly more complex.
Or to put it another ways the illusion that we experience through our judgment based on highly specialized organs that evolved for a different reasons in another environment altogether resembles the illusion we get when we use our minds eye or "self" to peer from whatever it exists to somehow "model" the eye as a physical collection of specialized cells that somehow looks like it exists to SEE/sense other collections of cells that are perceived as unities from the vantage point of what seems to be the "reason" the "EYE" exists.


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So I propose there is another " environment " which our consciousness exists. The "place" of this environment may only be able to seen from the top down (as we model three dimensional space perceived through the physical eye( a collection of specialized cells that look like they are working together to serve conduit for the transmission of three dimension information which is used to model the world. The conception or model that comes out of an illusion created in the brain by a consciousness that exists in another environment but none the less only has "eyes" for our so called physical plane of existence.

Fair 014_17_20

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Inadvertantly Exiled:Consumed by Own Plight

Hey you
I know your not reading this but
I'm used to writing and
posting about things in my life
A online journal provided me with a way to communicate with other people

that all ended when Journalspace went down

now I take my own counsel
it says do not bother
with other people
what's the point?
for some reason it really doesn't matter to me

unfortunately unlike
most people
I have no offline friends or family
that I interact with

sometime I think(most Times?) this
because I am a very selfish person
I am so consumed by my own plight

I really don't know though

There were times when I stayed in the same place for a few years
and got to know a few people
but I would leave and then never get in touch


for the self-imposed Isolation
of some distasterous relationship


and the tequila and the lithium and the easing
back into the routine of failing in school

but college then
let's you go free

then
all those years working as a nursing assistant
and just surviving
failing
really I guess hiding
or being left alone

oh fuck it

Low THC levels responsible for ADHD and general lack of motivation

I don't even want to post this

fuck it

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


There is this Guy I heard about. I was listening to those lectures in the car,driving around. Some writer named Mircea Eliade. I was some lecture deal and the proffessor was very excited. I just looked it up-Hierophany

By manifesting itself as ideal models, the sacred gives the world value, direction, and purpose: "The manifestation of the sacred ontologically founds the world".[4] According to this view, all things need to imitate or conform to the sacred models established by hierophanies in order to have true reality: to traditional man, things "acquire their reality, their identity, only to the extent of their participation in a transcendent reality".[5]

Does this mean anything?

What kind of information is this?Blogger: The Persistance Of This Illusion Is Astonishing - Create Post

I think it has something to with duality. Like the forms of Plato. There exists some other thing, some epiphenomenon. Like the mind body deal. So to participate in a ritual is to place oneself in the realm of the forms outside of time.

Well that's good and well so now where is your brain? or is it the consciousness in the brain that you Identify with?

Isn't this a crucial question for you or is it just beside the point.

I was listening the the BBC 4 show in our times last night in the car and they had these(as the seem always to) really engaging scientists talking about the current research in neuroscience. There are tests that show people start to do things before they are conscious of it. Some people in deep comas had brains that would light up when they were told to imaging service in tennis. The brains lit up just like a conscious person told to do the same task. Looking this up in the on google led to the article. However it isn't pitched the same way on the show. The Scientists assumed the the parts of the brain that lit up were a motor memory or something automatic like that.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

"what are the two movies?

persimmon? periwinkle? something like that.
and designated Something?"

That was Paprika(2006)


"Three scientists at the Foundation for Psychiatric Research fail to secure a device they've invented, the D.C. Mini, which allows people to record and watch their dreams. A thief uses the device to enter people's minds, when awake, and distract them with their own dreams and those of others. Chaos ensues. The trio - Chiba, Tokita, and Shima - assisted by a police inspector and by a sprite named Paprika must try to identify the thief as they ward off the thief's attacks on their own psyches. Dreams, reality, and the movies merge, while characters question the limits of science and the wisdom of Big Brother. "
from the IMDB Link http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0851578/plotsummary

The second was called the Designated Mourner written by wallace shawn(My dinner With Andre)

It was weird to see Mike Nichol the director(The Graduate,Working Girl,Charly Wilson's war)

From Roger Ebert


"Well, is it important to understand the poems of John Donne? I write the question knowing that most people will not be familiar with his poems (although the words ''No man is an island'' may toll a distant bell). Last night at dinner I found myself next to a woman who talked about the novels of Henry James, which filled me with gratitude, and then about Cynthia Ozick's essays about James, which filled me with amazement--because unless you are lucky enough to live on a university campus, you are likely to do most of your serious reading in solitude.

I feel, stubbornly, that it is important to read Donne and the other masters because they have thought and written at the highest level about what it means to be alive, to be conscious of choices, to consider the approach of death, and to turn those subjects into meditations that are sometimes true, false, cheerful, sad, ironic, bitter or hopeful. A great writer engages you in a conversation that you are not likely to be able to have with anyone you know.

But we exist under a daily reprieve. We can choose to read John Donne because we live for the moment in a free, stable society that does not make our reading impossible. War, famine or poverty--the conditions under which most people have always lived--would make reading (not to mention intellectualism) an idle fantasy. ''The Designated Mourner'' is about a society that does not like readers, and most of its words are spoken by a survivor who stands a little outside and looks wryly at what happened to the members of his circle. He chuckles sometimes at the entire foundation of his idea of himself. His all-important, precious ''I'' is, he fears, simply a rummage sale of whatever has been shoveled into his memory over the years."

Friday, May 04, 2001

warez

I don't know just what I'm doing
But I'm gonna try for the program, if I can
'cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a app into my drive
And I tell you things aren't quite the same
I just unrar another one
And I feel just like I got me some
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'cause when the download begins to flow
When it shoots down the broadband neck
When I'm closing in on fills
You can't help me now, you guys
And all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know

I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sailed the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
In a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man cannot be free
Of all the evils of this net
And of himself and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know

Warez, be the death of me
warez, it's my wife and it's my life
Because a a te line in my house leads to a center in my head
And then I'm better off than dead
Because when the cracks begin to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jims in this town
And all the politicians making crazy sounds
And everybody putting everybody else down

And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
'cause when the cracks begin to flow
And I really don't care anymore
Ah, when that warez is in my drive
And the drive is in my head
Then I thank God that I'm as good as dead
And thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know

Thursday, May 03, 2001

Chapter One
Music History: 100 Years a Minute
Discography of Examples
1. Plainchant (Gregorian chant) "Alma redemptoris mater," performed by the Cambridge Singers, John Rutter, dir. From the CD Ave gracia plena: Music in honour of the Virgin Mary. Collegium Records, 1992, cat. #COLCD 116.
2. Troubadour song by Jaufre Rudel, ca. mid-12th c. "Non sap chanter," performed by the Martin Best Medieval Ensemble. From the CD Songs of Chivalry. Nimbus Records, 1983, cat. # NI 5006.
3. Anonymous 13th c. conductus (processional song): "Alle Psallite Cum Luya," performed by the Early Music Consort of London, the late David Munrow, dir. from Music of the Gothic Era, reissued on CD by the Musical Heritage Society, 1997, cat. # 524643F (2 CDs).
4. Late 14th c. rhythmically-complex song by Anthonello de Caserta: "Amour m'a le cuer mis en tel martire," performed by Gothic Voices, Christopher Page, dir. From the CD The Garden of Zephirus: Courtly Songs of the Early Fifteenth Century. Hyperion Records, 1996, cat. #CDA66144.
5. Late Renaissance motet by William Byrd: "Alleluia, Ave Maria," from the same CD as item #1.
6. Late Renaissance madrigal by Adriano Banchieri: "Danza di pastorelle" (Dance of the Shepherdesses), performed by the Choir of Radio Svizzera, Lugano, and the Sonatori de la Gioiosa Marca, Treviso, Diego Fasolis, dir. From the CD Il Zabaione musicale, Naxos, 1995, cat. # 8.553785.
For more, c
Focus on Venlafaxine Are there withdrawal effects if venlafaxine is suddenly discontinued?
Because of the very short half-life, venlafaxine should be discontinued gradually over at least 2-weeks. If venlafaxine is suddenly discontinued, a withdrawal syndrome involving fatigue, nausea, dizziness, headache, insomnia, and nervousness, may develop
Effexor XR
EffexorFX - Venlafaxine (Effexor, Efexor) side effects, withdrawal symptoms, patient support
Odd bodily sensation I've been taking Effexor for about four months now
and I believe I've been experiencing some wierd
side effects. When I stare off or maybe zone out, I often feel as if my legs are slowly floating and or moving beneath me. At other times I get a jumpy sort of tick thing going on with my legs. Has anyone else had sensations like these?
quitting effexor > I started effexor 18 months ago at a very low75 mg/daily dose-it didn't help and following a serious incident of self mutilation "they" increased to 250 xr/day. that was awful! the diahrea lasted almost 2 weeks-but I thought maybe I would lose some of the 30 pounds I had gained being on the drug. I love these docs that tell you what your feeling/gaining (weight)/lossing (sexuality)couldn't possibly be because of the drugs! I think they should have to take them to prescribe them. Thank goodness for the postings-I don't feel so alone and crazy! I am now withdrawing on my own and the dizziness, flu-like feeling and fatigue are terrible. I can't wait for this to be over. can any one tell me how long the head-spinning will last? its been 5 days of no drugs. also wanted to know if anyone has experiences the leg jerks, tremors and leg jitters at night like I did. thanks Helena
I AM NOT GIVING INTO TAKING ANOTHER PILL! Well, I posted a message this morning when I arrived at work about myself going cold turkey. I am starting to think that I have made a terrible mistake. Why, well I feel like a walking/stumbling zombie. My eyes are killing me and they take a couple of seconds to catch up with my brain. I have not felt like this before and I wouldnt wish it upon anyone! I dont even think that I am fit to drive myself home, I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep this off. But this is only 48 hours since my last dose and it only seems to be getting worse. I will see how I feel tomorrow, the way that this is going right now the outlook doesnt look so good. I dont think that I will be able to make it to work tomorrow, the way my body is reacting right now is scary and I dont know what to do. I AM NOT GIVING INTO TAKING ANOTHER PILL! I hate myself for ever putting myself on this med and I hate the doctor that said that it is a great pill and not addictive and that is ABSOLUTE B.S.! Now I see how it is for a drug addict to go through withdrawl. This is drug addiction and I hope you all realize that your problem is not only depression/anxiety, now you can add drug addiction to your list. Best of luck to all of you trying to get off this drug and take this as a sincere warning to anyone thinking about taking Effexor
Re: withdrawal I hope this helps everyone who is experiencing withdrawal
because it helped me. I was one effexor for about
7 months and began to wean myself off of it because
I was just too numb. No sex drive, tired, no
emotions. Don't get me wrong, effexor made me feel
a lot better, I just didn't like the side effects.
Anyway, while trying to wean myself off of this
drug, which by the way was MURDER, somehow I caught
a cold. Anyway, you could imagine the pain I was
going thru trying to wean myself off of this medicine
I mean guys, I thought I was going crazy and would
die, I took some Theraflu (nighttime formula). In
less than 10 minutes, and I am not kidding, all of
the dizziness, headaches, swimming of my head,
sweatiness, went away. I didn't know what the hell
was going on. Well, I took the theraflu and Niquil
for about a week, and that was it. No withdrawal
no nothing. Now, I don't know if this will work
for you guys, but it worked for me. I don't know
why cold medicine worked, but it did. I asked my
doctor, and she said she didn't have an answer.
Anyway, I thought I'd let you guys know. I know
how withdrawal is, and I know I would have done
anything to make it stop. If anyone tries this,
let me know if it worked. Good luck.
Ronda
Re: Whats up with these dreams » AngMoriss AngMorris ~ Freak me out! I just said to my husband this morning, "I wonder if it's the withdrawal that's causing my dreams?" They are so deep and vivid... and weird! I've dreamt the typical ones; pregnant AGAIN, going back to college (YUK), etc. The typical stress ones that everyone has. But then some are just so out of nowhere. I wake up exhausted. Alli.